SIleast

Got this one somewhere if you hadn’t read it yet………….

After getting Pope Benedict’s entire luggage loaded into the limo, (and
he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still
standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me
drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to
drive today."

"I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose
my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver,
wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

"Who’s going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in
behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after
exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to
105 mph. (Remember, he’s a German Pope.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license — and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop
approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his
motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief
gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going
a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The President?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it’s God!"

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it’s God?"

Cop: "He’s got the Pope as a chauffeur."

Mak Minah dan Pak Mat ada 4 org anak
perempuan yang
sangat disayangi
[
> iaitu Siti, Seri, Murni dan Suri. Satu hari mereka
> berpakat utk kawinkan anak2 ni serentak.
>
> Selepas selamat diijabkabulkan, ke-empat2
anak tu
> pun bercadang untuk pegi honeymoon. Siti pegi
> honeymoon ke Pulau Langkawi, Seri ke Pulau
Tioman,
> Murni ke Pulau Kapas dan Suri ke Pulau
Pangkor.
>
> Sebelum pegi Mak Minah dan Pak Mat
berpesan, "nanti
> jgn lupa hantar berita pada mak dan ayah.
Ceritakan
> macam mana honeymoon korang. Tak payah
tulis
> panjang2, pakai kod iklan aja dah cukup.
Ringkas,
> padat
> dan cepat." panjang lebar Mak Minah memberi
arahan
> pada anak2nya.
>
> Seminggu lepas tu depa terimalah surat dari Siti
> yang bertulis ‘Standard Chartered’. Tercari2lah
> kedua suami isteri ni iklan Standard Chartered
dan
> bila jumpa tersenyum le kedua2nya membaca
iklan yang
> bertulis
> "Besar, teguh dan peramah".. Bahagialah Si Siti
> rupanya..
>
> Esoknya terima pula surat Seri yang bertulis
> ‘Nescafe’. Carilah iklan Nescafe dan tersenyum
lagi
> keduanya membaca iklan yang
bertulis "Nikmatnya
hingga ke titisan yang terakhir" Bahagialah Si
Seri
> rupanya…
>
> Selang beberapa hari kemudian, tiba pula surat
Murni
> bertulis KFC’. Carilah iklan KFC dan tersenyum
> keduanya membaca iklan yang bertulis ‘Hingga
> Menjilat Jari’… Bahagialah Si Murni rupanya…
>
> Seminggu berlalu, tiada surat dari Suri, Mak
Minah
> dan Pak Mat dah risau. Dua Minggu… tak ada
jugak..
> masuk minggu ke tiga baru sampai surat dari
Suri
> dengan isi kandungannya "AIR ASIA".
>
> Bergegas le Mak Minah cari iklan penerbangan
tu sbb
> tak sabar nak tau apa yg jadi kat anak
bongsunya.
>
> Bila dibaca. Mak Minah dan Pak Mat terkulat2
tak tau
> nak senyum atau menangis.. Apa motto iklan
itu…??
>
>
> "7 KALI SEMINGGU..3 JAM SEKALI.. NON-
STOP!!"

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.

It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell phone!

Here’s A joke That Kills

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police
Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.

The police officer on duty was intrigued by this and he asked, "How sure
are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?"

"No," replied the nervous immigrant.

"Did ya hear her tell someone else that she’s gonna kill ya?"

"No."

"Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill ya?"

"No."

"Then why in God’s name did ya think she’s gonna kill ya?" asked the
exasperated police officer.

"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He
handed the police officer the suspect bottle.

The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and
started to laugh out loud. The immigrant became indignant and said,

"What so funny? Can’t you see the label on bottle said, ‘Polish
Remover’?"